I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
