I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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