i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
