I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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