so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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