How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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