Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
