I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
