NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize