we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
foreskin is a definite game changer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
