Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
