with your own penis?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
