Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
