he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
