quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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