forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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