The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize