My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
