; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
