There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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