Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
