I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
