I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
