When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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