you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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