goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
