im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
