hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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