it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
