I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
