you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
