That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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