There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
