People with herpes should wear stickers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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