Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
3pm strippers are depressing
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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