So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
