i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
