I'm drive I can fine osifer
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
