The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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