ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
