I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
