So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
