the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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