they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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