R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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