Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
