it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
