Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
