Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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