is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
