If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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