oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
