There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
