Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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