I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
