Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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