My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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