What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
