Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize