My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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