You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
