ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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