Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
