she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
