We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
