the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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