The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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