I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
