Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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